whatever it takes

Dear Diary:

Kids are hard. It's even harder when other people think your kids are hard. It's demoralizing. You try to stand up for them, but a part of you agrees with them. You love them, but don't you ever have those times when you don't really like them? That's what it's been like lately. Everyday is a struggle, I dread the coming of the day. Two days ago, I had a meltdown. A real doozy. Swearing, crying (sobbing really), angry. The kids witnessed it, Violet cried, Liam tried to make things better. I officially felt like a slut mother.

I went to bed that night exhausted with the emotional volcano and then I realized something. What if Liam wasn't always to blame? What if other kids were doing things to him and he was fighting back. That day he told a kid he would kick him in the face, but then I found out that kid told him he wouldn't ever let him out of the fence. When we went camping he started swinging at another kid, but then I found out that kid was making fun of him. Now I'm not saying that his behaviour is ok, but it's also not always for nothing. Same with his sister. To keep her quiet, I get mad at him, but I'm seeing now that she screams because she knows I'll intervene, it's becoming a sport in our house.

So yesterday, I greeted Liam with love and the hopeful idea that today would be different. And it was. We went out to the westcoast for the day. Along the way, we stopped at Lizard Lake and held a salamander. Then we went out to Botanical Beach and explored the forest and the tide pools. We saw eagles, crabs, sea stars, huge waves, explored a cave, found some gnomie homes, ate at a super yummy cafe (fresh clams steamed with wine, garlic and shallots) and by the time we got home, no one had been in trouble the whole day.

So this is what it takes for peace in my home. A little understanding, seeing my kids for who they are and standing up for them and a day of good, honest fun, outside in the healing space of nature. I'd love to bring you there and share a bucket of clams with you.

Here's to a new day.